quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
