I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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