Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
