So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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