happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
