I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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