apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
