I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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