my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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