Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
