Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
