There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
