ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
