I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
