Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
