the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We left the knife in your bed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
