do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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