she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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