I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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