this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
