I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
