I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
