This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
