I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
