How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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