do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm bleeding and have questions
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
