I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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