come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
