Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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