i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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