well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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