Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
