just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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