i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
