I can tuck mytits in my pants
She said her name was "party"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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