I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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