All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need water and some morals
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
