So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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