Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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