he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
