AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
