Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
