I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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