I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
