Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
