I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I look better un-naked...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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