I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
