Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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