i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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