I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
