this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
