The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thus making me awesome and them whores
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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