imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The air was thick with penises
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
