Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
